Decodificador

What conservatives say: We need to protect the sanctity of life, defend the sanctity of marriage, and teach our children the virtues of abstinence.	What liberals hear: We need to bomb abortion clinics, ban gay people, and fit our children with chastity belts.
What conservatives say: We need to reduce our dependency on foreign oil by pursuing oil exploration at home.	What liberals hear:We’re going to drill for oil in the Alaskan wilderness, Yellowstone, and if necessary, Disneyworld.
What conservatives say:We need to crack down on illegal immigration.	What liberals hear: We need to crack down on illegal immigration after the cleaning crew at Wal-Mart finishes the night shift and Jorge mows my lawn.
What conservatives say: Family values are stronger in the red states.	What liberals hear: If you ignore the higher rates of divorce, teen pregnancy, and wife beatings, family values are stronger in the red states.
What conservatives say: Liberals are all a bunch of Hollywood-loving, gun-grabbing, stem cell–sucking, abortion-promoting, Michael Moore–worshipping, trial lawyer–humping, troop-slandering, terrorist-coddling defeatocrats who are hellbent on destroying America.	What liberals hear: Sieg heil!